I had to read this one a couple of times to let it soak in, really soak in...
"There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person throu...gh it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain." ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Posted by Georgia at 8:02 PM 1 comments:
Jimmie said...
Brother Leons' post is so very true...
Keep being still befor the LORD, Georgia, and listening for HIS voice of guidance!
I love you, and think of all of you, often!
Patricia Bridges
April 4, 2011 7:10 AM
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
A turning point and She Speaks...
Bear with me, there is some background that I need to set up...
After delivering our first baby, Andrew, I knew that God had called me to go back to school and become a labor and delivery nurse. I went back to school in 1989, graduated in 1992 and I have worked as a labor and delivery nurse since Rachel was 6 months old. It is a ministry... And I thank Him for the privilege.
However, since Rachel died there have been so many things I realized that I have lost... one of "those" things is experiencing the miracle of birth with my daughter. It is so hard to see my patients with their families, especially their mom's. It is such a special experience. I can work OB triage all night long but to labor and deliver a young woman having her first baby is so hard... So, OB triage is it for me right now and I am okay with that.
A dear friend of mine delivered her "surprise" baby girl on March 4, 2011. She and her husband were one of so many that supported us and got us through that night... getting Chris to the hospital as our sweet girl was Care Flighted to Dallas, saying "goodbye" to our Rachel as if she were their own, keeping our Andrew posted, in the loop, he was stationed at Fort Bragg, NC at the time, comforting him, comforting us, going to the funeral home, calling the Red Cross to begin the process of getting our boy home, making and fielding jillions of phone calls and the list goes on...
Long story short... I took her to the hospital, stayed the night and was with her and her sweet husband when they welcomed sweet Delaney into this world. I saw their boys faces light up as they watched their daddy bathe their baby sister for the first time. The memories came flooding back... Rachel's birth and her death... getting to experience the labor and birth of Delaney Grace Harris has really been a turning point for me (at the moment anyway.) It was and still is a precious moment. A moment I will cherish forever. Seeing Delaney, breathing her in, holding her and smelling her sweet baby breath, her breathe smelled of heaven, a moment that was a bit overwhelming and bittersweet but so precious. It was one of those moments that that I will ponder in my heart until I see my precious Jesus and then my sweet Rachel. The experience brings tears to my eyes all over again. I left the hospital that morning breathless and sobbing and spent a lot of the weekend doing the same. Not just tears of grief and missing Rachel but thankful tears for the experience with Rachel, her birth and her death and the journey that I know will continue even with its ups and downs. On my way home, I stopped by Kroger bought her some flowers and took them to the cemetery, some beautiful pink roses and a wildflower mix in vibrant hot pink, yellow, purple and green, her favorite colors! She would love them and she would love Delaney too! I am still amazed by the experience of Delaney's birth. And so thankful!!!
I was scheduled to work labor on Sunday night and for the first time I did not dread it. I got put on call and then got called in late Sunday evening. Of course my labor patient ended being a stat C-section but nevertheless it was all okay for the patient, her baby and for me emotionally. And for that I am thankful too! Thank you Lord for a turning point...
In one of my emails or twitter, the Lord led me to this... the She Speaks Scholarship Contest 2011.
Here is a quote from their website... "The She Speaks Conference is where you will receive the tools and the confidence to answer God’s call on your life. You will learn how to make the most of your messages, the nuts and bolts of speaking, writing, leading and influencing, and have the opportunity to meet with some of today’s top Christian publishers. She Speaks is not just another conference … it is a true experience with God and a revival in your calling!" I have been praying for God to open a door and I believe He has. I have known and felt for quite some time that the Lord was going to use this grief experience/journey in an amazing way. I have also felt that He was calling me to speak or write and I feel in my spirit like this is a door that He is opening.
As a mother, I have always thought that there is no way that I would ever be able to survive the death of one of my children. But you know what... I have and I am stronger for it. Do I still have hard days and do I feel weak? Yes! But His word tells me that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
If I were to curl up in a corner and shrivel away or become bitter and angry, how would that honor her memory? It wouldn't and Satan would win. More importantly how would that honor HIM? By sharing this journey with Him, our baby girl will live on forever in the hearts and lives of many, many that never even knew her. Is it because of anything that I did or said? Absolutely not! It is Him, all Him. This experience is not and never has been about Rachel, my family or me it is all about Him! His word also says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
I am still praying about what I am supposed to do... write or speak maybe both... the thought of both scares me but with Him I know I can do anything!
*update*
A few weekends ago, the Lord told me that He wants me to do what I fear the most... and that is speaking, yes She Speaks... am I comfortable with that, no! Am I scared, nervous etc.? Yes! But am I willing and open? Absolutely yes!
After delivering our first baby, Andrew, I knew that God had called me to go back to school and become a labor and delivery nurse. I went back to school in 1989, graduated in 1992 and I have worked as a labor and delivery nurse since Rachel was 6 months old. It is a ministry... And I thank Him for the privilege.
However, since Rachel died there have been so many things I realized that I have lost... one of "those" things is experiencing the miracle of birth with my daughter. It is so hard to see my patients with their families, especially their mom's. It is such a special experience. I can work OB triage all night long but to labor and deliver a young woman having her first baby is so hard... So, OB triage is it for me right now and I am okay with that.
A dear friend of mine delivered her "surprise" baby girl on March 4, 2011. She and her husband were one of so many that supported us and got us through that night... getting Chris to the hospital as our sweet girl was Care Flighted to Dallas, saying "goodbye" to our Rachel as if she were their own, keeping our Andrew posted, in the loop, he was stationed at Fort Bragg, NC at the time, comforting him, comforting us, going to the funeral home, calling the Red Cross to begin the process of getting our boy home, making and fielding jillions of phone calls and the list goes on...
Long story short... I took her to the hospital, stayed the night and was with her and her sweet husband when they welcomed sweet Delaney into this world. I saw their boys faces light up as they watched their daddy bathe their baby sister for the first time. The memories came flooding back... Rachel's birth and her death... getting to experience the labor and birth of Delaney Grace Harris has really been a turning point for me (at the moment anyway.) It was and still is a precious moment. A moment I will cherish forever. Seeing Delaney, breathing her in, holding her and smelling her sweet baby breath, her breathe smelled of heaven, a moment that was a bit overwhelming and bittersweet but so precious. It was one of those moments that that I will ponder in my heart until I see my precious Jesus and then my sweet Rachel. The experience brings tears to my eyes all over again. I left the hospital that morning breathless and sobbing and spent a lot of the weekend doing the same. Not just tears of grief and missing Rachel but thankful tears for the experience with Rachel, her birth and her death and the journey that I know will continue even with its ups and downs. On my way home, I stopped by Kroger bought her some flowers and took them to the cemetery, some beautiful pink roses and a wildflower mix in vibrant hot pink, yellow, purple and green, her favorite colors! She would love them and she would love Delaney too! I am still amazed by the experience of Delaney's birth. And so thankful!!!
I was scheduled to work labor on Sunday night and for the first time I did not dread it. I got put on call and then got called in late Sunday evening. Of course my labor patient ended being a stat C-section but nevertheless it was all okay for the patient, her baby and for me emotionally. And for that I am thankful too! Thank you Lord for a turning point...
In one of my emails or twitter, the Lord led me to this... the She Speaks Scholarship Contest 2011.
Here is a quote from their website... "The She Speaks Conference is where you will receive the tools and the confidence to answer God’s call on your life. You will learn how to make the most of your messages, the nuts and bolts of speaking, writing, leading and influencing, and have the opportunity to meet with some of today’s top Christian publishers. She Speaks is not just another conference … it is a true experience with God and a revival in your calling!" I have been praying for God to open a door and I believe He has. I have known and felt for quite some time that the Lord was going to use this grief experience/journey in an amazing way. I have also felt that He was calling me to speak or write and I feel in my spirit like this is a door that He is opening.
As a mother, I have always thought that there is no way that I would ever be able to survive the death of one of my children. But you know what... I have and I am stronger for it. Do I still have hard days and do I feel weak? Yes! But His word tells me that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
If I were to curl up in a corner and shrivel away or become bitter and angry, how would that honor her memory? It wouldn't and Satan would win. More importantly how would that honor HIM? By sharing this journey with Him, our baby girl will live on forever in the hearts and lives of many, many that never even knew her. Is it because of anything that I did or said? Absolutely not! It is Him, all Him. This experience is not and never has been about Rachel, my family or me it is all about Him! His word also says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
I am still praying about what I am supposed to do... write or speak maybe both... the thought of both scares me but with Him I know I can do anything!
*update*
A few weekends ago, the Lord told me that He wants me to do what I fear the most... and that is speaking, yes She Speaks... am I comfortable with that, no! Am I scared, nervous etc.? Yes! But am I willing and open? Absolutely yes!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
the Lord's goals for me this year...
the Lord's goals for me this year... pray with me as I walk with Him toward these goals...
You cover the year with Your good blessings, and You leave abundance in Your wake. ~ Psalm 65:11
Goal #1, read the Bible in a Year: I am reading the Chronological Bible
Goal #2, Memorize scripture,I joined the Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2011, there are 9000+ women committed to memorizing scripture. Join me, it's not too late... http://blog.lproof.org/
Goal # 3, pray with me on this one, it is rather lofty and I am really excited about it, just not ready to share...
*just added* March 10, 2011
Goal #4, another lofty one, but I believe He has opened a door of opportunity to do something He has called me to do... I'll be excited to share more later very soon!
You cover the year with Your good blessings, and You leave abundance in Your wake. ~ Psalm 65:11
Goal #1, read the Bible in a Year: I am reading the Chronological Bible
Goal #2, Memorize scripture,I joined the Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2011, there are 9000+ women committed to memorizing scripture. Join me, it's not too late... http://blog.lproof.org/
Goal # 3, pray with me on this one, it is rather lofty and I am really excited about it, just not ready to share...
*just added* March 10, 2011
Goal #4, another lofty one, but I believe He has opened a door of opportunity to do something He has called me to do... I'll be excited to share more later very soon!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Stress free...
After such a stressful week, HE has blessed me with the most enjoyable weekend! I guess the blessing started on Thurs with visits by my sweet friends Cheryl and Lori on Fri. I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning visiting my oldest and dearest friend/twin, we laughed and we cried, sharing some great memories . I spent Sat. cooking, baking and visiting with another precious and sweet friend AND celebrated my love's birthday. Today, was spent in my jammies, enjoying the beauty of the snow, reading and memorizing scripture ,eating stew, eating snow ice cream and peeking outside for a few pics... God blessed me indeed! Thank you LORD for the blessing!!! However, Fri. cannot get here soon enough, I miss my "Baylor" girls... :~(
Monday, October 18, 2010
Girls Get Away Cruise 2010
First cruise I have ever been on... I am booked for the next one. I am so looking forward to January 2012! And yes, I will snorkel again!!! I made some awesome new friends AND conquered my fear of "Jaws." Yes, Jaws... it was the only movie I ever snuck in to see and I have been punished ever since. I was 10, now I am dating myself, oh well... For years I thought Jaws just might come up out of the pool drain and get me. And I have NEVER been in the ocean deeper than my ankles. I was determined to see the beauty HE created in the ocean. This past summer I kept thinking and praying about snorkeling. I knew HE wanted to show off HIS beauty. Our music minister had just gotten back from a cruise and talked about the beauty that HE created in the ocean, ugh really?!?!?!? His message confirmed to me that I was supposed to snorkel...
The water was rough and our guide offered to let us choose another excursion... I knew HE would keep me safe and jumped in. HIS beauty was amazing!!! The fish, the coral reefs, feeling HIS hand guide me, WOW!!! And you know what? We didn't even see a shark but we did see a Great Barracuda and so many colorful fish and reefs! His beauty, AMAZING!!!
The speakers, the worship, the fellowship, the rest (even though we never could figure out what time it was), the anointing of His spirit... thank you Lord!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Anger...
All I can say is ugh.... oh how I wish the weekend had all been like Fri. night. I had so much fun with Jennifer. I surprised her and we went to see Phantom of the Opera. Her excitement truly blessed me!
Then Saturday happened... I think Sat was the culmination of the last few weeks and I knew it was coming but dang!!!! It seems like this is the roughest it has been... I miss that ole fart and I knew he kept Chris company... but it turned into so much more than Griff, I am truly sad about him but the emotion of his death has triggered so much more......... ANGER! I had been cooking and baking all day. Doesn't sound very relaxing and restful but for me it is. When I finished my baking I really just threw me a big 'ole fit... at the house and then mainly at the cemetery. I cried, no more like I sobbed, screamed, hollered, shook my fists, maybe even kicked me some dirt, sobbed some more... I am so stinking tired of all this! How much more? Then I regret asking how much more because He can show me how much more.... all of it angers me. Angers me in a way I have not felt in a long time, I don't like it. I'm just stinking MAD! Not sure who I am mad at, just mad... I want a do over, I want them, all back, Rachel, my daddy, Heather, JoJo, and yes even Griff (our dog). I miss that grumpy ole fart and it sure is quiet around here, the girls (the other 3 dogs) are lost with no one to boss them around and I don't even have to fight for my spot in the bed...
I want my baby girl back... I miss her... I want her in my life, in my arms, I need to hear her call me "momma" in that sweet little voice of hers, I need all those things, I know the value of the journey but I am tired and right this moment I just want her back! I'm tired of the roller coaster of emotions... I'm just plain tired and I am not sure it is a tired that sleep will fix... In fact probably sleep won't fix it. I slept most of yesterday. Sat night I started getting the chills and that overall "I think I am coming down wth somethig feeling." I still felt that way Sun morning and could not get rid of the chills so I wet back to bed and slept until 2:30 in the afteroon and really never left the couch all day. It is now almost 4am and I am up and know that I should be asleep but my brain will NOT shut up. Too may thoughts running through my head like a broken record... that Sunday before I left for work planning our trip to Austin, snuggling with her in bed, that Mon afternoon trying to call her and congratulate her about getting her permit, talking to Chris on the way to work, the phone call, the girls at work jumpig to action all the while so confused and hurting as mothers themselves, telling my daddy, the drive, being taken to "that" room where they told us her condition, rushing in to see her, talking to her, holding her hand, hearing her heart still beating, saying to myself over and over "for I know the plans I have for you and I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me," saying "go be with Jesus" over and over to her, saying goodbye to her one more time, kissing each of her painted and chipped toes and fingers, clinging to Chris like never before and all those people that came to love on us, seeing those heartbroken and confused kids and friends, the drive to my dad's, the drive home, seeing her room, the smell, knowing how loved we were then and still are, the funeral home, planning her funeral, picking out that dang casket, feeling my knees almost buckle right beneath me and thinking I was gonna throw up that very moment, that whole week seems to be such a blur and yet so clear. A broken record of memories I wish had ever happened. But the value of the journey... priceless I know. I keep reminding myself of that. And then the record starts all over... I wanna get past this... I want to rest, I don't want to be angry anymore.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Another sleepless night...
I am up can't sleep... Haven't had one of these nights in forever... This is what He laid on my heart, nothing like writing in the blackberry, I guess it's better than a scratch piece of paper... I guess as this next step on the journey begins I'll have to find all of those. Anyway here goes... It's a beginning to something beyond my wildest imagination, I am looking forward to seeing what He is gonna do! Here goes, it's very short but a start...
April 28th, 2008... It was a day like any other... Chris took Rachel to school, took her to get her permit and I headed off to work that night. Yet one fateful moment in time, one phone call changed my life, our livesforever, it set my feet on the path of a journey I never imagined I would be on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined how drastically our lives could change in the blink of an eye. It is not a journey that I would have signed up for but it is also not one I would trade for anything. Would I take my baby girl back in a split second, selfishly yes but my heart says,no. I would have missed the blessing of this precious journey with Him. I am humbled and stand amazed that He chose me for the journey!
April 28th, 2008... It was a day like any other... Chris took Rachel to school, took her to get her permit and I headed off to work that night. Yet one fateful moment in time, one phone call changed my life, our livesforever, it set my feet on the path of a journey I never imagined I would be on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined how drastically our lives could change in the blink of an eye. It is not a journey that I would have signed up for but it is also not one I would trade for anything. Would I take my baby girl back in a split second, selfishly yes but my heart says,no. I would have missed the blessing of this precious journey with Him. I am humbled and stand amazed that He chose me for the journey!
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