Just being transparent and really vulnerable here...

Be Still…

I’m currently reading a book by Melissa Dougherty called Happy Lies, and whew… it has been stirring things in me in the best and most uncomfortable way.

The heart of the book is about understanding the culture we live in so we can share our faith more clearly and more faithfully.

There’s a chapter where Melissa talks about how we as Christians sometimes cherry-pick Scripture. We pull verses that comfort us, motivate us, or fit what we’re walking through in the moment… while quietly ignoring the rest of the passage.

If I’m honest, I’ve done that too.

Most recently with Psalm 46:10.

That verse is part of my “double heart” tattoo. The words Be still are tied to one of my favorite camp songs, Don’t Disturb the Ladybug. If you know it, you know. The kind of song that sneaks up on me and makes me cry every single time.

And the Scripture itself was no accident.

After the events of this summer, the flood, losing my beloved summer home, and losing Jane, I knew I would get another tattoo. I didn’t know exactly what it would be yet, but I knew it had to happen. And it had to be done by my tattoo guy. You know the one. The one from Jerusalem.

Honestly, I figured it would never happen. He doesn’t live here. He doesn’t travel here often. So I tucked that thought away.

And then… he came to the U.S.

He started doing pop-ups tattoo shops in different cities, and one of them just happened to be in Kyle, Texas. Perfect. No coincidence. Not even a little.

On the way to the tattoo shop, Theresa and I were still deciding exactly what our tattoos would be. Psalm 46 kept circling in my mind. I originally thought Psalm 46:1 was the verse for me.

“God is our refuge and strength…”

But I kept saying Psalm 46:10 instead.

Theresa looked it up and read aloud, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

I knew those words lived in one of my favorite camp songs, but I couldn’t place it. I texted a close camp friend and she replied almost immediately, “Duh. Don’t Disturb the Ladybug. Your favorite. The one that always makes you cry.”

That was it. I knew then that Psalm 46:10 belonged with the double heart.

Fast forward to this book.

Melissa references a wildly popular New Thought teacher who also has “Be still” tattooed on her wrist. For her, that verse became a reminder of her own inner “Knowing.” She describes sensing something deep inside herself. A wisdom. An intuition. A source. Something she believes is God living within her. She says she now takes orders from her Knowing.

And here’s where the pause happened for me.

Because taken alone, “Be still and know” sounds beautiful. Peaceful. Even biblical.

But Scripture was never meant to be read in isolation.

So let’s read Psalm 46 as a whole:

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

Though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the Lord has done,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease

to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the shields with fire.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

That changes everything.

This verse is not about humans’ inner divinity or the power of our thoughts or our Knowing. It’s about God’s sovereignty. His authority. His power over nations, chaos, war, and yes… over us.

WOW.

When we cherry-pick what suits us, we can end up with something that sounds comforting but is totally incompatible with the Bible’s true message.

This really hit me hard. It convicted me deeply. Not just with Psalm 46:10, but with how many times I’ve done this in other places too. It’s made me slow down, pay attention, and commit to reading Scripture in its fullness, not just the parts that feel good in the moment.

I look at my tattoo with new eyes now.

Funny how so many people are averse to tattoos, when they can be visual reminders… even lessons… that the Lord uses to teach, correct, and draw us closer to Him.

So here’s my commitment.

I’m memorizing all of Psalm 46. Not just Be still.

All of it.

Because God is not asking me to find Him within myself.

He’s asking me to be still long enough to recognize who He is.

And that… changes everything.

 April 28th: Choosing Joy, Choosing Spring

April 28th is almost here… again.

Seventeen years.

Seventeen Aprils without her.

It still catches me off guard sometimes. How the ache can feel so fresh while the memories feel so far away. Rachel left us 17 years ago this month, and yet her presence—her gift—is still as real as the day she came into our lives. Over the years, though, I’ll admit, I’ve lost sight of that gift. Not just in her life, but even in her passing. I let the ache take the front seat.

But a couple of years ago, while sitting at a conference, I heard Him whisper something so clear to my heart. “Embrace October.” Her birth month. That sweet beginning. And now, I hear Him again… “Embrace April too.”

Not because it’s easy. But because it’s time.
Time to take it back. Time to take back what Satan tried to steal.

Rachel was, and still is, a beautiful gift from Him. In 2008, our lives changed forever. And even in her absence, she continues to teach me, to mold me, to remind me of what matters most. I am choosing joy. Not in spite of the pain—but right in the middle of it.

The other day, we were porch sitting. (We do a lot of that around here. You’d be surprised how much healing happens on a good country porch. 🩷)

I noticed everything coming back to life—the flowers blooming, the hummingbirds returning, the chickens cackling and laying, Harold the rooster letting the whole neighborhood know it’s his farm (all day long), and Lester—bless his heart—stalking “his” cats while they tease him back like it’s a game they all agreed on. Birds were singing, Henry was glued to my side like he always is, and I just sat there in the moment and felt it…

Newness.
Life.
Spring.

My roses are stunning this year—just showing off, honestly. The trees are greening up, the air is warming, and it all reminded me that after the long, hard winters… spring always comes.

That’s how this journey has been since we lost Rachel.
There have been winters—long, dark, barren ones.
But also springs—full of light, color, warmth, and new life.

In the beginning, there were definitely more winters than springs. Grief is like that. But now… now, I’m starting to notice more spring than winter. This year, especially, I’ve been focusing on the spring—the blooms, the laughter, the signs of life that remind me God is still doing a new thing.

I’m thankful for the journey with Him. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been sweet. And yes, I’m even thankful for the gift of her passing. I know that’s a hard thing to hear—and it’s even harder to write—but I mean it. Truly. God is good. He’s held us close. He’s never left.

I don’t want to dwell on her death anymore. I want to dwell on her life. The joy she brought. The love she showed. The memories that still make me smile. I want her story to bring hope to others, to change hearts, to point people to the only One who brings peace in the pain—Jesus.

It's our prayer that His story, her story, our story continues to lead others to the love, the covering, and the joy that only He can offer.

And if your heart is aching too this April, let me just whisper this truth to you: Spring will come.
He will turn your mourning into dancing.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11-12

Forever thankful,
Choosing joy,
💛 Georgia

A Story That Must be Told

✨ A Story That Must Be Told

I shared this part of my testimony many years ago, but Rachel’s death overshadowed every part of my life for the last 16 years and changed everything for me. But I’ve held this part of my testimony close to my heart for far too long. While the loss of Rachel is still a huge part of my everyday life, I have to tell this story…

🙏 The Beginning of My Faith Journey

Let me start at the beginning of my Christian walk. Even though my parents were Christians, they didn’t attend church regularly. We were the Christmas and Easter churchgoers. When I was in the 6th grade, a friend invited me to MYF (Methodist Youth Fellowship). I began attending faithfully and soon started going to church as well. My parents would drop me off for Sunday School and pick me up after church was over. In the 6th grade, as all good Methodist kids do, I attended confirmation classes, professed my faith in Christ, and was confirmed in 1976 on Easter Sunday. From that moment on, I was eager and hungry for His word and presence in my life.

But then life happened. I graduated from high school and moved to Sherman to go to Austin College. Without a church home and accountability, I drifted. I strayed from Him. And while I know He never left me, I left Him for a while. Without an intimate relationship with Him, I made some very poor choices.

💔 A Hidden Secret and Deep Shame

“We are in churches, we are in shopping centers. We have Bachelor's degrees, we have Master's degrees, and we have PhDs. We are women who have experienced abortion. We have a secret we cannot share. If people knew the truth about us, they would not like us, love us, or associate with us. We have committed a sin so terrible we believe it is unforgivable. Society is not going to punish us. We punish ourselves. Something snaps and we learn that we CAN recover from our sin and even find peace. When we understand and recognize the loss of our child and mourn that loss, grieve that loss, and accept God’s forgiveness, then we are free to forgive ourselves and go on to the hope that Christ offered on the cross and still offers today.” – Carol Everett, Her Choice to Heal.

I was that woman for years. In 1986 and again in 1987, I terminated my pregnancy. I kept that secret for many years and lived in my own self-imposed prison for at least a decade. During that dark time, I married, gave birth to two beautiful children, graduated from nursing school, and began a career as a labor and delivery nurse. But even in the midst of those blessings, the weight of my past was crushing.

🌿 A Journey to Forgiveness

In 1993, the Lord led me to my current job as a labor and delivery nurse. Every day, I was faced with the miracle of life, and I was forced to confront what I had done. But it wasn’t until 1996, at a post-abortive women's retreat at Falls Creek, Oklahoma, that the shame, grief, and anger overwhelmed me. I cried out to God like never before. I knew He had forgiven me, but the hardest part was forgiving myself. And I’ll never forget the moment at Great Hills in Austin when I nailed my sin to a cross. We literally each had a nail, and we hammered them into a wooden cross. It was then that the shame, guilt, and anger left me. I felt free! ✝️

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” – Psalm 103:12

For years, I had let my past define me, but the Lord reminded me that His grace is greater than my sin.

Fast forward to 2008... 

💔 The Day That Changed Everything

April 28, 2008, is a day etched in my memory and carved in my heart forever. I never dreamed that day would set my feet on the most intimate journey with Christ I have ever experienced. A journey from ashes to beauty…

“To comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” – Isaiah 61:3

April 28th started out like any other day—sleep, then work. I was about to head to yet another delivery when a co-worker approached me with a concerned look and told me there was a phone call for me. My heart sank… it was the call every mother fears. A police officer told me Rachel had been in an accident. I remember screaming at him, “JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!” That’s when he told me she had attempted to take her life and was being care-flighted to a trauma center in Dallas.

A little over an hour later, Chris and I arrived at Parkland Hospital, where we were told there was nothing they could do. She was alive, but not for long. We were then allowed to be with her as Jesus came to take her home. So many people came to be with us—her friends, our friends, teachers, even people we had never met. It was all so overwhelming and humbling.

✝️ Walking Through Grief with God

Most of you are more familiar with this part of my story because I have been so public and transparent about my grief journey. Blogging was a huge part of my healing. I did the ONLY thing I knew to do—I turned and leaned into the Lord like never before. I truly believe that my abortion journey was such a dark time that I refused to go back “there.” In the early years, I thought I could conquer grief one “step” at a time, as if it had a clear endpoint. I remember sharing this with my pastor, and he gently told me, “This journey will not be complete on this side of heaven.”

😡 ANGER! I was so angry. Crying, fit-throwing, red-hot anger! But then I realized—he was right. And this grief journey has been one of the most intimate seasons I’ve had with the Lord. It took me a long time to be able to say this, but if the Lord allowed me to have Rachel back, I’d say no, because I would miss out on the journey I’ve had with Him. Our reunion will come in heaven, and oh, what a glorious day that will be! 🌅

“You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing Your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise You forever.” – Psalm 30:11-12 🙌

Beauty from Ashes

Looking back, I can see that even in my darkest moments; whether it be loss because of choices that I made or the loss of our daughter by her own hand, God never let go of me. He was always there, waiting for me to turn back to Him. And when I finally did, He didn’t shame me—He embraced me. He took my brokenness and made something beautiful out of it.

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”(Isaiah 61:3).

I won’t say the road has been easy. The scars of abortion remain as do the scars of losing Rachel.  But I am living proof that God truly does bring beauty from ashes.

No sin is too great for His grace. No past is too broken for His redemption. If you are carrying shame, regret, or grief, I want you to know this:

Jesus is waiting with open arms.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

He forgives. He restores. He makes all things new.

And that includes you. ❤️

The Truth About Change: A Reflection on Christian Music

I love Christian music. I always have. There's something about worship that speaks directly to my heart, reminding me of who God is and who I am in Him. Over the years, as I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve learned to really listen—not just to the melody but to the words being sung. And sometimes, a single line in a song can stop me in my tracks.

Recently, I heard a song that’s become very popular: The Truth by Megan Woods. When I first listened, I was struck by the lyrics—they were powerful, meaningful, and full of emotion. But then, one particular line stood out to me, and it gave me a check in my spirit:

“He sees me and wouldn’t change a thing.”

At first, it sounds beautiful—like the ultimate reassurance that God loves us exactly as we are. But as I sat with those words, my heart broke a little. Because the truth is, while God does love me unconditionally, there are so many things He would change about me. In fact, His desire is to transform me daily to become more like Him.

How Does God See Me?

This one lyric made me pause and reflect: How does God really see me? Does He see me the way I want Him to? If I’m being completely honest, the answer is no. While I strive to be the woman He wants me to be, I fall short—every single day.

• Do I spend time with Him like He desires?

• Do I share Him with others?

• Am I a good witness for Him?

• Do I spend my money wisely?

• Do I manage my home well?

• Is my prayer life strong?

If I’m honest, my answer to these questions is often no. And that realization is humbling. But here’s the beautiful thing: God loves me even in my weakness and failures.

Love That Transforms

God’s love is not a passive love. It’s not the kind that says, “You’re fine just the way you are; don’t change a thing.” Instead, His love is an active love—one that refines, corrects, and leads me to holiness. Scripture makes it clear that God is always working to transform us:

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” — 2 Corinthians 3:18

God loves me as I am, but He loves me too much to leave me this way. He wants to change my heart, my thoughts, my actions—everything—so that I reflect more of Him. Until the day I meet Him in heaven, I will always have things He wants to change in me.

The Importance of Discernment

This experience reminded me how important it is to listen to Christian music with discernment. Just because a song is labeled “Christian” doesn’t mean it’s 100% biblical. We need to weigh everything against Scripture, ensuring that what we take to heart aligns with God’s Word.

I don’t say this to tear down the song or the artist—far from it. Music is powerful, and I believe God uses it in incredible ways. But it’s also important to test everything we consume (1 Thessalonians 5:21) and allow the Holy Spirit to guide us.

Embracing the Change God Desires

So, here’s my takeaway: God does see me, and while He delights in me, He also desires to transform me every single day. He is constantly refining me, drawing me closer, and molding me into the image of Christ. And that’s a beautiful, comforting truth.

I want to embrace that transformation. I want to be a woman who seeks after God wholeheartedly, allowing Him to change every part of me that doesn’t reflect Him. Because until I meet Him face to face, there will always be something He wants to change in me. And that’s okay.

What about you? Have you ever come across a song lyric or message that made you pause and reflect? Let’s keep this conversation going—because when we seek truth together, we grow stronger in our faith. 💛

January 28, 2020


Last week I followed the story of #cravinraven and oddly enough I wanted to watch her funeral. As I was headed to Arkansas last weekend, I listened to her funeral. I was amazed by her mom's strength and courage to stand up and share her sweet girl with such vulnerability, courage and transparency. I had shared her story with Chris and the story of her organ donation. He expressed something he's never expressed to me before. He asked me why Rachel had not been an organ donatio...n candidate. Honestly that was something that had bothered me too. That's a long explanation that I won't get in to here. All that to say is that I've felt angry/sad/bitter ther Rachel's organs could not be used to save lives just as Raven did. In listening to and watching her momma speak at her 6 year old daughter's funeral, I was reminded of something that I honestly had never thought of. Tanner Trujillo (Raven's mom) from deep grief yet an amazing strength encouraged us not to focus on the lives Raven saved with her organs but rather the lives saved by sharing her story and her love of Jesus. The lives she saved is only limited by us... the lives she saves is inifinite as long as we keep sharing. So even though Rachel did not save lives with her organs, she has saved/touched lives because we are sharing her story of life and yes her death. And when I say us, I mean us as in you who are reading this, her friends, our friends, people that never met her and even total strangers. Remember my earlier post today about meeting my sweet friend Wanda from Indiana? She was only someone that I connected with through a blog that I used to follow. Who knew or could orchestrate two complete strangers running into each other in an airport in Seattle? And Wanda is just one of the few lives I know Rachel touched. Wanda was headed home to Seattle and I was headed to DFW. Only God can do that! I've often said that Rachel touched/impacted more lives in her passing than she did in her brief 15 years with us. I've also often said that this journey is not Rachel's story or even my story it is HIS story. I want infinite lives to be changed by sharing HIS story and how He's strengthened amd grown us on this journey!

January 4, 2020 This tree... I’m sitting under “my tree” in Fort Worth. This tree has heard all my deepest thiughts and secrets. We moved to Overton Park when I was in the second grade just a few short weeks after my little brother was born.
Today this park, this tree, my childhood home bring lots of tears. I’m not sure why other than the fact I just saw some of the most beautiful bridal pics of a sweet friend and her daughter. Those photos wrecked me and I can’t quit crying. I was looking forward to sitting beneath this tree and just chilling while I wait for Beverly to get to Fort Worth and we can hit up Central Market, but here I sit with tears flowing... Grief is funny like that, one minute laughing and looking forward to spending a weekend with my oldest friend and “twin” sister and then the next bawling! And just this morning I was enjoying time with my sweet grandson, now I sit here bawling.... So many memories in this park, snipe hunting, walking/running every inch, riding my bike, playing in the park and the creek, napping, taking my children to the playground, crawdad fishing, taking senior photos by “my” tree, taking my kids and grandson pictures in that very same tree. Maybe it’s the new year just now hitting me... another year without her. Dang I miss her!
I want to live life to the fullest just like she did.
But then I have days like today...

Today she is 21...

Today she is 21... her 5th birthday in heaven. For those that never met her, meet Rachel! For those of you who knew her, remember... her smile, her sweet spirit, her beautiful green eyes, her joy, her "blue mouth," the good times and most of all how much she loved Jesus... — at here, there and yonder...