Bad Dream...

Here goes...

I tried to read my chronological Bible and a good Christian novel in bed for a bit until around 11 or a little after. I thought I was sleepy and snuggled up to chris who is sleeping very soundly I might ad. He was sawing logs quite nicely... I snuggled my feet under Griff to get them warm. I initially had trouble going to sleep so I began to pray... pray for Jamie and Josh and this weekend that they would be open to hear His voice and the enemy would be kept away! I prayed for our church, you and Tricia and your family and then I began to pray for this month for Chris, Andrew and I. Andrew may not be able to come home afterall, maneuvers that weekend. He will be a specialist tomorrow, aka Corporal. I also prayed for all those directly affected by Rachel's death. Then for me... I told HIM that I want to see her, hold her, feel her presence, feel her hug, hear her sweet voice say "momma," I want to feel her sweet lips kiss mine and hear her say muwah with a big smack. As I drifted off to sleep it was as if the room became this cloudy white filled place. The room was amazing, I thought I would see her even if just for a moment. I slept a bit and then the room changed... I was standing before a big black conveyor belt that I was told by someone that would take me to her and to my precious Samuel and David. I reached, and reached, and reached. I couldn't reach it and then it felt wrong almost scary to reach it, not really knowing where it would take me. I wanted to so bad though.... A part of me really wanted to go but I aslo knew that I am supposed to stay here and continue this journey... I began to pull my arms back and I couldn’t move them, now I was scared. I needed to stay here- it was difficult to move my arms back. Now I was really scared and willed my eyes to open from this dream. When I was finally able Ito wake up I was very disoriented and had to pat Chris on the chest to realize I was awake and try to look around our very dark bedroom. I knew the dream was gone. I was afraid to go back to sleep for fear of it being continued, however I prayed myself back to sleep for about an hour and then the LORD promted me out of bed. Thinking, how bad did I really want to be with her? I want it badly but not right now not like this... I miss her, I just want to feel a hug or see her sweet smile... I want this month to be over... Right now I feel like a bit of a basket case...

trying to go back to bed, even if to read for a bit... no more weird dreams!!!