2:45 am

I am laying in bed all snug in my warm bed, sleeping… I wake up and think surely not? Well surely it IS 2:45… What is up with that Lord?

It is still and very quiet… please, why 2:45?

I want to spend some time with you

Really, does it always have to be 2:45 in the morning?

Sometimes…

This time I get right up, no waiting around. I know better. And these are sweet times He and I have together. I do look forward to them even at the earliest times. He will let me nap later.
Today was a hard day for many reasons, but I believe that He is using it. Heather’s death has opened a still very fresh wound… it takes me back to that night with Rachel. I remember the phone call, the girls at work, arriving at Parkland at the same time Chris arrives with Steve and Cathy, being led into the “Family Room” and refusing to go in “there” I know why they want me in there, I don’t want to go. I do… they tell us she will not live much longer… “Can we be with her?” I ask. They lead us in to see her and all I see is the most beautiful baby girl… How could this be happening??????? All I know to do at the moment is hold her sweet hand and whisper in her ear… baby girl I love you, you are the bestest girl in the world. Your daddy and I love you so much… we love you no matter what. The next thoughts that come to my mind are, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me” and “ for I know the plans I have for you a plan to prosper you and not to harm you.” I kept repeating these over and over with my ear pressed to her chest, so I can hear her heart beat… I want to pick her up and hold her, instead all I can do is hold her hand and keep talking. I don’t want to miss a minute of her precious life… Minutes before they came in to pronounce her dead, I remember whispering in her ear, I love you baby girl, go be with Jesus baby girl, sleep sweet baby girl… over and over again until I knew she was with Jesus.

Lord,that was hard, really hard, going back to that night...

I know… that’s enough for now. Rest in me...

I will go rest now and probably sleep sweet, I know we will have another one of these meetings and though hard, they are always very sweet! Thank you Lord for this journey...

On a bit of a lighter note, I finished the tree today. It was hard but I believe that she was there watching and laughing because #1, I decorated the side “nobody would see” and because it is really full, she would have been ready to finish after about half way. Remember what I said about the back side, I’m not kidding, last year she left the side nobody could see blank!

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LJ says...
"I love you!!" (12/9/08)