January 28, 2020


Last week I followed the story of #cravinraven and oddly enough I wanted to watch her funeral. As I was headed to Arkansas last weekend, I listened to her funeral. I was amazed by her mom's strength and courage to stand up and share her sweet girl with such vulnerability, courage and transparency. I had shared her story with Chris and the story of her organ donation. He expressed something he's never expressed to me before. He asked me why Rachel had not been an organ donatio...n candidate. Honestly that was something that had bothered me too. That's a long explanation that I won't get in to here. All that to say is that I've felt angry/sad/bitter ther Rachel's organs could not be used to save lives just as Raven did. In listening to and watching her momma speak at her 6 year old daughter's funeral, I was reminded of something that I honestly had never thought of. Tanner Trujillo (Raven's mom) from deep grief yet an amazing strength encouraged us not to focus on the lives Raven saved with her organs but rather the lives saved by sharing her story and her love of Jesus. The lives she saved is only limited by us... the lives she saves is inifinite as long as we keep sharing. So even though Rachel did not save lives with her organs, she has saved/touched lives because we are sharing her story of life and yes her death. And when I say us, I mean us as in you who are reading this, her friends, our friends, people that never met her and even total strangers. Remember my earlier post today about meeting my sweet friend Wanda from Indiana? She was only someone that I connected with through a blog that I used to follow. Who knew or could orchestrate two complete strangers running into each other in an airport in Seattle? And Wanda is just one of the few lives I know Rachel touched. Wanda was headed home to Seattle and I was headed to DFW. Only God can do that! I've often said that Rachel touched/impacted more lives in her passing than she did in her brief 15 years with us. I've also often said that this journey is not Rachel's story or even my story it is HIS story. I want infinite lives to be changed by sharing HIS story and how He's strengthened amd grown us on this journey!

January 4, 2020 This tree... I’m sitting under “my tree” in Fort Worth. This tree has heard all my deepest thiughts and secrets. We moved to Overton Park when I was in the second grade just a few short weeks after my little brother was born.
Today this park, this tree, my childhood home bring lots of tears. I’m not sure why other than the fact I just saw some of the most beautiful bridal pics of a sweet friend and her daughter. Those photos wrecked me and I can’t quit crying. I was looking forward to sitting beneath this tree and just chilling while I wait for Beverly to get to Fort Worth and we can hit up Central Market, but here I sit with tears flowing... Grief is funny like that, one minute laughing and looking forward to spending a weekend with my oldest friend and “twin” sister and then the next bawling! And just this morning I was enjoying time with my sweet grandson, now I sit here bawling.... So many memories in this park, snipe hunting, walking/running every inch, riding my bike, playing in the park and the creek, napping, taking my children to the playground, crawdad fishing, taking senior photos by “my” tree, taking my kids and grandson pictures in that very same tree. Maybe it’s the new year just now hitting me... another year without her. Dang I miss her!
I want to live life to the fullest just like she did.
But then I have days like today...