very rough draft of a blog, but here goes anyway...

just a very rough draft of a blog. I wa0 sheaded back to bed for a nap with only my Blackberry to write in. He gave me this, it's been awhile... Nonetheless, here goes: '2005 Turning 40... I never and I mean honestly never dreaded the big 40. And contrary to Andrew's kidding I was only 39 once. I was excited to turn 40. I remember that birthday well... Looking forward to what God had in store for the next 40. If I'd only known... At times this last year I have thought what the heck was I thinking? I was 42 when Andrew joined the Army and left home and when Rachel died. Empty nest at 42, seriously? Not what expected at all... And while sometimes I have thought what the heck He reminded this morning what a sweet time it has been so far. Hard, yes. Struggled, yes. Still have hard days, yes. Still struggle, yes. Its okay to struggle andhave those days, I don't like it and feel like such a failure when I do but it is okay and even expected. it makes me lean on Him even more. And that isright where He wants me... And I am okay with that.' I am going back to bed so I can work tonight, ugh.... Praying your day is blessed!